Turning 60

 I have been meaning to write this for ten months. It is time to get it done.  Over the years I have heard many people talk about turning a certain age that greatly affected them.   For some, it was thirty. For others, it was 40 or 50. For me, it was without a doubt 60.  There are various reasons I suppose, but sixty, more than any other age, really hit me. For the first time, I saw myself as old in looks and in my mind.

The closest to 60 for me was 18.  It was for completely different reasons though.  An old girlfriend threw me a surprise 18th birthday party. Back then 18 was big in New York State because it was the legal drinking age.  The party was great but it turned out to be the end of an era for myself and my high school friends. I only saw a few of them again. the issue for me though was immaturity. I had already been in college a month and quite frankly I was confused and lost. It came out in anger, jealousy, and pettiness brought on by my age.  Some of it was just being a young immature male. I watched my boys make some of the same mistakes I did in youthful relationships, but my issues went far beyond that. I was lost.  I was drinking heavily and getting involved in drugs.  By the time I hit the spring of the next year (I turned 18 the previous October) I had successfully chased away my high school girlfriend. I was withdrawn and with just a couple of exceptions talked to no one at college (oddly two of those are now Facebook Friends all of these years later). I took a job washing dishes at a sambos that made matters worse.  Everyone there partied heavily which only made matters worse at school. I no longer had fun with old friends and most attempts with the opposite sex turned out to anger them. The few that went well were usually alcohol driven and never went beyond a night.

Looking back, I was on a very self-destructive path, and at least on one occasion, I could easily not have been around the next day. Oddly enough, an argument with my former girlfriend at a party we both went to set me straight.  I realized I needed to change now.  I also needed a change in environment if it was going  improve. So I signed up for the United States Air Force.  I had a rather large delayed enlistment, but for the most part, kept myself straight (there were a few drunk nights) until I reported on the 1st of March 1982. From that point on birthdays seemed easier.

Twenty came and went uneventfully. In October of 1982, I was still finishing up Air Force technical school. I went to Robins AFB in Georgia after my first leave later that month. Right after the first of the year, I was recruited by the White House Communications Agency, and by May of that year, I reported to the Audio Visual Unit of the Agency. I arrived as a campaign year was coming up. Age 21 came and went at a club in Louisville Kentucky with an angry waitress when they sang Happy Birthday. She had been serving me alcohol for 4 days while I was still 20 and not legal in Kentucky. I had a blast through the rest of my 20s. I traveled the US and the world. I had fun with ladies around the US and in the Washington DC area and at age 26 married my wife. A few months later we had our first child (Matthew). Relationships are for another time though.

My 30s were busy and a whirlwind. There was no time to think about my age.  I had separated from the Air Force.   I spent a year in the Army National Guard (yes Army). I bounced from job to job, sometimes out of the area, trying to support a family that had grown to three children by 1994. Eventually, I landed a very well-paying job at a Steel Mill where I retired in 2017 due to illness. 

40 was another period that flew by and I thought nothing of it. The kids were older, and sports, church youth group, and other activities always had my wife and I on the run. Also, a few years after I turned 40 I started having a lot of strange health issues. They ranged from arrhythmia to chronic pain and a cough and breathing issues. Initially, they were attributed to the steel mill but eventually, after a long hospital stay with a fever of 104.5 and not being able to walk without assistance, I was referred to the Cleveland Clinic where I was diagnosed with a severe chronic case of Sarcoidosis. 

50 also passed quickly with no time to think about age.  I battled sarcoidosis and tried to work but by 55 I was on a forced disability retirement and on disability. A year later I would have a severe pulmonary embolism that set everything back  I had been on regular IVIG treatments since a year after Sarcoidosis was diagnosed. It was up and down and the relapses were frequent.  Steroids had me struggling with weight. They finally hit upon a combination of IVIG every other week and different meds that kept flare-ups to a minimum. COVID, unfortunately, changed all that with having it twice and frequent flare-ups of Sarcoidosis that I was informed were being caused by the vaccines (apparently a number of sarcoidosis patients had flare-ups after getting the vaccines).

Enter Age 60 last October. I was doing much better in most aspects and regular IVIG and meds again were reducing issues (though nothing has ever completely stopped flare-ups and issues). Suddenly I had time.  I am home alone during the day nearly every day. I thought, wow, I am 60.  All I had to do was look in the mirror to see it. And my wife is two years older and for the first time we both acted older.  I found myself thinking about the past. I have an unusually good memory of past events. I am not always great with names but I remember certain events that no one else does. even events as a toddler.  This is good and bad as I remember things like breakups with various ladies like they were yesterday. I have reconnected with a few people from the past but this only made me feel older. I realize there are things I just can't do anymore that were easy at one time.  I have already had cataract surgery in both eyes.  Granted, the eye issues were steroid side effects but most in my family never needed this until older. I found myself getting teary-eyed  thinking about the past. Things like time with my wife and kids, while always important, it became more urgent. A couple years ago my best man, Lee Winter, passed away after a brief battle with cancer. I had to do the eulogy which was extremely hard.  When I hit 60 it all came back. I have lost other friends as well as cousins and inlaws.  I can't even call it a midlife crisis as I am well past that. So now even 11 months later I find myself looking back at the past almost daily. Perhaps it's all the time alone I have. I do have my constant companion, my dog,  next to me and my guitars to play. It just isnt really helping at this time.

So have you hit an age that affected you?  If so, what did you do to get yourself out of the doldrums? I message friends often but I think I have actually become a pain to some during this time.  Should I explain why I message frequently or just take it easy on them? 60 has just been a hammer to the head for me.  Perhaps I will follow up down the road with any progress I have. So for now I cuddle with my wife and spend as much time as possible with the kids and try to lift myself up. Prayer and church have helped but hasn't been the full solution. Until next time, smile.  It will make your day better.