Where Did The Romance Go




Valentines Day


My wife and I have been married for over 37 years now. After talking to a few friends who have been married for over 20 years, I noticed that most of them either didn’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day or just exchanged cards. This made me curious about the reasons behind this trend. After some reflection, I have a few ideas.


First, let me share my own experience with Valentine’s Day. In high school, I wanted it to be perfect. Even though most teenagers didn’t have much money, they would spend whatever they could to make it memorable. It could be as simple as a cute card and some cuddling or kissing. Doing nothing or forgetting was unthinkable. I can relate to this. In my dating years, if there was someone special, I would go all out. A nice dinner and wine at a restaurant, flowers, cards, and possibly chocolates or balloons would be included. It was enjoyable and made me feel good, and hopefully, it made the date happy.


However, I should also mention that early Valentine’s Days with my wife weren’t always perfect. We separated for about six months after moving too quickly in our early relationship. We were separated before Valentine’s Day, and our next would come right after our marriage. Despite having a good memory, I only recall that I got her flowers and a card. It’s possible that I was actually on a work trip. We were definitely apart for our second Valentine’s Day. She had taken our oldest child to Pennsylvania and rented an apartment in preparation for my military discharge on March 1st that year.


Now, let’s address the common reason that almost everyone mentioned: life got in the way. Kids came along, work schedules became demanding, and fatigue from a busy life took over. Eventually, the day just didn’t seem to matter as much. Some people exchanged cards or small gifts, but just as many did nothing. This is in contrast to friends who recently remarried or got married. They still tend to go all out for the day.

Another reason mentioned was the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. Cards had become excessively expensive, and there were many useless gifts. Even traditional gifts like flowers and chocolates lost their significance. It felt like the same old routine. My wife had advised me to stop buying her cards a while ago. They were expensive, and she would simply discard them after a few days. I did buy her a few cards later, but they were met with a curt thank you, so I eventually stopped.


During this time, I developed my own theory. I believe people have forgotten the initial excitement of a relationship. The thrill of searching for the perfect card, the thought of where to eat, and the dilemma of choosing a gift. The planning and the joy of seeing the reaction when everything went well. The spouse has forgotten the time and love invested in these tasks. The hugs and kisses that followed were always special. The smiles and cuddles were unique to that moment.


I admit it hurt when I was told not to get a card. I could spend hours searching for the perfect one. One person said they were no longer young, and it seemed like age and appearance changed everything. But why should it?


So, I ask you, does any of this resonate with you? If it does, I encourage you to reflect on what Valentine’s Day used to mean to you. When it comes around next year, let’s all take a moment to look back and try to recreate a cherished memory from our past. Spend quality time with each other, express your feelings, and forget about worldly concerns for a day. Enjoy a Valentine’s Day while you still can. I plan to do the same. We actually had our best Valentine’s Day in years, but there’s always room for improvement. And this doesn’t just apply to Valentine’s Day. Make an effort to plan and enjoy special days together occasionally.



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